"little alice fell down the hole, bumped her head, and bruised her soul."
I feel like Alice lately. like all the bad energy I've been feeling is gathering in my gut and it won't go away. So I cut, I starve, I binge, I snap, I cry, I break things, I break people, with words, not with actions. I have zero motivation to do anything.
But I've been on Tumblr, y'know just... Tumblin', I suppose is the correct verb. And I came across this picture that said, "Is what you're living for worth dying for?"
My family? Yes. They're being so supportive through everything, my mom especially.
My dog? Dorky, but yes.
My best friends? Of course. I'd do anything for them, including dying.
A job I actually like? Yes, because I don't want to be fucking miserable.
My boyfriend? ...I've never said this about anyone, but he's worth everything and more to me. I'd also do anything for him. I honestly would.
An eating disorder? Not worth the health issues.
Cutting? Not worth the scars.
Being depressed? Other than maybe writing some above-mediocre garbage, no. Being so sad that I don't want to get out of bed in the morning is not worth dying for. I don't like this feeling of almost drowning in my own sorrow. "Elizabeth" is Hebrew for "sea of bitterness" but I don't want to live up to that.
Living a happy and healthy life is worth it.
I feel a little bit better. I have to go to bed. I have a final in 7 hours.
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